Once upon a time I didn't need the  love of a man. I was happy. I had my goals and I was happy to strive toward them. I was true to what I believed, and tried to be a good person.

But then a big storm cast a shadow over my innocent world. Somebody came to love me. Somebody who lived to love as an escape to life. He had nothing to make life worthwhile, so all he ever did was hold me. But when he saw my happy goals, a secret breath of envy fire would build inside, his urge to escape could not control. He wanted to forget the pain and my ambitions cut the vein, to deliver the guidance of a friend a sinister bane. (chuckle)

When I finally had nothing of my own left to make life worthwhile, he was the only thing I had, and I stayed with him for a long time even tho I didn't love him... I was just clinging to the security. But then I got away... a beautiful boy woke me up to what love really is, and that told me I had to get away. So I got.

I find life today a lost city of ruins, so many dreams left in tragic abandon... So easily I forget this reality if I hold another man... It's easier to hold on to someone than to breath life into the ruins. Confuse a friend for a lover, or visa versa... when you can they are neither. You are neither. It just means I need someone to hold while I get my nights rest.

I don't believe I can be happy this way. So for the moment I have the blues, I'm little boy blue.
I cry a little. Laugh a little. Dance a little.
Love a little.
But I gotta keep on moving. I'm gunna keep on moving.
I'm gunna make life a thing where there is a purpose and a reason for living, even when theres nobody to tell you that.

And one day I might find someone who is right for me. But I don't know what I'm looking for. So I just want to be a good friend.
 
 

And I believe that relationships are a pain in the ass. Nearly always, unless that someone is a true love so special that the changes to your life are  easy to embrace, and not causing damage to the future. It's not often to find, because most of the time you meet someone who isn't on the same plane as you... You get used, you can't work well together, maybe you cling because you don't feel good about yourself, or maybe just bring others down as a passtime alternative to eating your own problems.

But I do believe in love. Somewhere. Somehow. His name is Leigh. And for him, my love is true enough to love all his faults and weaknesses just as much as the things I fell in love with.