The 2 series Volvo was developed with onus-onus in mind, and released ‘round abouts the time of road rage. Throughout the 2 series’ 18 year life, the manner in which parts were thrown together became more robust, less articulate, and most of all,
hazardous to other motor-vehicles. It was equipped with 4 wheel disk brakes, however a rear-type steptronic
device (for maintaining a set disance ahead of ‘passing’ traffic) was not available - driving habit’s endorsed by most Volvo drivers proved this totally unnecessary. Later in the 2 series’ life, Volvo introduced a rudimentary ABS system, which rerinforced the no win, no escape nature of tailgating a Volvo.

     As found by all car salespeople, normal sales techniques do not work when trying to sell a 2 series Volvo. As a matter of fact, it is hard for a sales person to keep a straight face in apparition of a Volvo buyer, and much hardeer to imagine them
driving it. The term is more ‘comandeering’ than ‘driving’, due to the half thought, unfitness for purpousness of a Volvo.
 The Volvo buyer  can easily be singled out from other less theatrically pedantic car buyers. The most distinctive feature is a large baroque hat, usually equipped with a veil. For this very reason, Volvo has used special naming conventions, as outlined
below, as in the Volvo manual.

From Volvo Users Manual.

     The feat of selling a Volvo is even more unbelievable, considering what is (or fails to be) under the bonnet. Gifted with knowedge of technicalities, volvo drivers do not indeed need ever find out what is or isn’t there. At this date, Volvo drivers are generally not seen doing attending to the bonnet ever, unless the bonnet has flipped up and the driver no longer wishes for this. (A technique used by Volvo drivers, much like burrying one's head in the sand, is to pop the bonnet before a potential accident, so they can't see all the bad things happening.)

 Another bonus to Volvo sellers is the ailing eyesight of the Volvo Buyer. When wearing a large baroque hat, equipped with a number 4 veil, the Volvo Driver rarely has sufficient visibility to determine whether the car in question actually is  a Volvo,
bur relies on the sense of eerie quietness in that corner of the car yard. Volvo buyers always have some degree of hearing, at least enogh to listen to their favourite AM radio programs such as Radio for the Print Handicapped.

     People considering purchase of a Volvo should first Klick here to get there licence, however, the general public have no expectation that a Volvo “driver” know the road rules, or to be able to handle a car. Police officers also steer clear of Volvo’s, due to the relative pedanticity of a Volvo driver. Despite it’s obviously unroadworthy appearance, inspectors rarely find anything to be defective, and through experience police officers know that Volvo drivers are worth their weight in red tape, appeals, legal action for descrimination and inappropriate behavior, and finding fault with “standard” system’s of administering the law. The average Volvo Drivers  general habit of crossing their I’s and dotting their T’s always ensures that the case is no longer funny for a police officer by the time that it ends, and long after the matter is over, there still will be a complaining Volvo driver present.
 

    There are many special techniques, passed down through generations of Volvo driver, but one should first learn how to read the signs of the road.

*STOP* Whenever you see on of these, slam the brakes on as hard as you can. You may also slam the brakes on for any reason you see fit (ie, little green men), or for no reason at all. Do not proceed until you have acknowledgement of this feat from several other drivers. (ie, honking, tyre screeching, or the smashing of metal/glass/plastic).

Give way. This is the hood ornament of a Volvo, however local community councels have taken the liberty of badging every one, them, and at intersections where there is a chance a Volvo may charge through with disregard for other vehicles. It is not technically classed as a collision if you knock one down, however, as these generally should be part of a Volvo.

*Slippery When Wet* Zigzag, or more specifically, do not spend more time in the left hand lane as you do in the right, or visa versa... At other times, you should only be all over one side of the road, but this is subject  to amendment.

These are some of the most important ones for Volvo drivers. If you see any others, just slam the brakes on and examin them well, and try to work out an appropriate response.

    Volvo's are most enjoyable to drive with a measure of pizazz not provided by Volvo Engineers. Volvo's are best driven leadfootedly, only being cautious when other traffic can not overtake (slowing down next to double white lines, and full throttle any other time). When encountering a roundabout, one should travel at a high enough speed not to  prevent lane change at least twice in the course of the Obsticle. Most importantly, one must remember to travel at high speeds through bumpy unsealed carparks, for the best chance of . This is amongst the many things you can do in a Volvo...

    Driving a Volvo, one will lend ones self to a degree of superiority not afforded by smaller cars with plastick bumper bars. Including a Large baroque Hat in the package, along with no. 4 veil, affords an ability to do absolutely anything. When ones optional visual impediments are at or exceed levels mentioned above, Volvo Drivers can easily merge slowly but directly in the very centre (fast) lane of a busy highway, without suffering any effectual altercations. Other things you can do in a volvo include:
    Turning left from a right hand lane, or visa versa, and/or entering a road on the wrong side.
    Pulling out in front of other vehicles at inappropriate times (not recomended on trucks and 4WD's).
    Biping people at the front lane of red traffic lights, causing them to assume they have not seen the green light, and drive out into a busy intersection. This is recomended when wishing to view an accident, but not wanting to be involved in the administration..
    Making unpredictable, last minute decisions to surprise surrounding drivers, either not using the indicators,

    If you have any more dandy tricks you can do with a volvo (apart from vandalizing one) feel free to email and have it added to the list.